dear john

“I really want to tell John, though.” I told the director. “He likes my writing. He’d sit there at work” – and here I was beginning to imagine it – “clicking through my blog, reading my writing, looking at the picture of cats . . .”

“Finding out how you gave him mono.”

“Oh no.” I put down the scissors I’d been using to cut little red hearts. “But I – I could tell him? Right? I could tell him.”

“Do you want him to hate you forever?” I shook my head because no, of course not, I do not want him to hate me at all, or to dislike me even, or ever. I don’t even let myself imagine it because – although I assuredly would – I don’t think I could stand it. “Then don’t tell him,” she insisted. “He could never forgive you, even if he said he did.” I doubt it, secretly, but I doubt both options – and I’m not thinking clearly, as has been amply established already.

So I ask you – literally, not metaphorically – do I tell him? Do I not tell him?


11 thoughts on “dear john

  1. If you know, for a fact, that he may have contracted it, then you should let him know. Unless, you gave it to him on purpose, why would he hold a grudge?

  2. I know no one likes to be reminded of what they said, but . . .

    ‘ some mysterious reason, he just grabbed it and drank. I stopped all my dancing about in shock. “Tastes like you,” he said, cool as a cucumber.’

    until you figure out why he did what he did that day, you better just chill. Otherwise you’ll need to tell him that when you offer stuff, you don’t really expect/want people to take you up on it.

    Tell/not tell, either one is a game changer. If I were he – I’m clearly not – the only way I’d want you to admit this whole thing would be if you were attempting to get closer to me. Otherwise, move on. There is nothing useful he can do with the information at this point.

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